’Tis the season for Dad to drop the holiday ball, stress out as the money is being spent for presents, and miss yet another providential opportunity to lovingly lead his family. So, this blog is intended to help dads not fall into the same old rut of holiday humdrum, sitting on the couch watching football and eating carbs, but rather intentionally plan out the upcoming holiday season. Our children grow quickly and if we miss the sacred moments God opens up for us to connect with and bless our families, everyone suffers and we set in motion generations of missed opportunity.
#1 – Dad needs a plan for the holidays to ensure his family is loved and memories are made. Dad, what’s your plan?
#2 – Dad needs to check the local guides for what’s going on to make fun holiday plans for the family. In Seattle it’s here.
#3 – Dad needs to carve out time for sacred events and experiences to build family traditions that are fun and point to Jesus. Dad, is your calendar ready for December?
#4 – Dad needs to not let the stress of the holidays, including money, cause him to be grumpy with Mom or the kids. Dad, how’s your joy?
#5 – Dad needs to give experiences and not just gifts. Dad, what special memories can you make this holiday season?
#6 – Dad needs to manage the extended family and friends during the holidays. Dad, who or what do you need to say “no” to?
#7 – Dad needs to ensure his family is giving generously during the holidays. Dad, who in need is your family going to adopt and bless?
#8 – Dad needs to schedule a big Christmas daddy date with his daughter. Dad, what’s your big plan for the fancy daddy date?
#9 – Dad needs to schedule guy time with his son. Dad, what are you and your son going to do that is active, outdoors, and fun?
#10 – Dad needs to help Mom get the house decorated. Dad, are you really a big help to Mom with getting things ready?
#11 – Dad needs to ensure some holiday smells and sounds. Dad, is Christmas music on the iPod, is the tree up, and can you smell cookies and cider in your house?
#12 – Dad needs to snuggle up and watch some fun shows with the kids, especially the little ones. Dad, is the DVR set?
#13 – Dad needs to take the family on a drive to see Christmas lights while listening to music and sipping cider. Dad, is it mapped out?
#14 – Dad needs to help Mom get the kids’ rooms decorated. Dad, do the little kids get lights or a small tree in their room?
#15 – Dad needs to read about Jesus and pray over his kids. Dad, how’s your pastoral work going with each of your kids?
#16 – Dad needs to repent of being lazy, selfish, grumpy, or just dumping the holidays on Mom. Dad, are you a servant like Jesus to your family?
Yesterday, I attended a luncheon hosted by the Hope Christian Community Foundation. My buddy Chris Hill did an interview with one of my mentors, David Montague. David talks about giving and gives us a very clear picture of what it looks like to live out the Gospel through our finances. I must admit that early on (and still some now) Carrie and I made some poor decisions with our finances. I am so thankful that God placed guys like David Montague in my life to help guide me in that difficult area. I hope this encourages and challenges you to live out the Gospel through your finances.
What picture are you painting for your kids about giving?
Do they see a picture of the gospel in how you steward your money?
Be intentional about discussing with your kids how and why you give.
I received an email from a parent this week thanking me for inviting all parents to the Speaker Series event we recently held at PDS. She took such great notes that I thought I would share them with you:
I attended the speaker series at Second Presbyterian Church today- Building Boys, Making Men-What Every Child Needs in a Parent- and I thought it was great. Below are a few notes that I took and plan to apply starting as soon as I get home.
The session was presented by Robert Lewis, author of Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
As parents, we have been trusted with greatest gift on earth-a human life. In his pasturing and counseling, he’s found that people who make the job of parenting their top priority-over work, travel, etc-have few regrets later in life. Conversely, those who make parenting a lesser priority have lots of regrets later in life.
He said if your child could stand before you at thirty years old and say what they needed as a child, they would tell us to:
1.Be there for them in their early years. Our kids need face to face time with their parents and the first 6 years are the most important because that’s when their brains are being hardwired for who they will be. Research shows that a personality forms by the time they are six. What happens early in life lives with them forever. Children need the law of love and that’s us being there for them.
2.Give them a balance of discipline and love. He presented a parenting chart with four quadrants with love and discipline on the x and y axis. The quadrants were permissive, neglectful, authoritative (reliable), authoritarian (strict). We all fall somewhere in that chart but we have to find the right balance.
3. Know their personality and honor it. Be able to name their personality type (I’m going to give my son Myers Briggs or another test).
4. Discover their bent and actively support them. Recognize and nurture their gifts even if they aren’t like yours.
5. Too much is too much.
-Control-kids need freedom and for us to show we trust them. He gave an example of a little boy holding a bird tightly to protect it, but squeezing it killed it.
-Money. It pacifies them if they gets everything they want but also stills their will. They don’t learn to earn things and can’t work through problems and figure things out on their own. Lose appreciation for things and for you.
-Too high expectations destroy and wound. Kid thinks they are never good enough. Be careful not to push too hard becomes always pushing for better can make kids bitter.
6.Show them what to believe in by living it. Balance what they see with church life and home life. Ethics will only be caught at home-not taught. Live it and show them everyday.
7.Words they need to hear throughout their lives-I love you, I’m proud of you, you’re good at…
8.Make some great memories for them. People’s lives are primarily based on childhood memories. A baseball game, a trip, a desk you built…create memories with your child that will outlive you.
9. Love God and share Him with them. Many kids will ask questions about God. Be able to answer them or find the answers with them. Lead them to Jesus and live it.
You have to read the story and watch the video
Finally, he shared a great Erma Bombeck story (below) and a touching video about a father’s love for his disabled son doing a triathlon.
Erma Bombeck
The Green, Green Grass of Home
by Erma Bombeck, written November 1971
When Mike was 2, he wanted a sandbox, and his father said:
“There goes the yard We’ll have kids over here day and
night, and they’ll throw sand into the flower beds, and cats
will make a mess in it, and it’ll kill the grass for sure.”
And Mike’s mother said, “It’ll come back.”
When Mike was 5, he wanted a jungle gym set with swings that
would take his breath away and bars to take him to the summit,
and his father said: “Good grief, I’ve seen those things in
back yards, and do you know what they look like? Mud holes in
a pasture. Kids digging their gym shoes in the ground. It’ll kill the
grass.”
And Mike’s mother said, “It’ll come back.”
Between breaths, when Daddy was blowing up the plastic swimming
pool, he warned: “You know what they’re going to do to this
place? They’re going to condemn it and use it for a missile site.
I hope you know what you’re doing. They’ll track water everywhere
and have a million water fights, and you won’t be able to take
out the garbage without stepping in mud up to your neck. When we
take this down, we’ll have the only brown lawn on the block.”
“It’ll come back,” Mike’s mother said.
When Mike was 12, he volunteered his yard for a campout. As they
hoisted the tents and drove in the spikes, his father stood at the
window and observed, “Why don’t I just put the grass seed out in
cereal bowls for the birds and save myself the trouble of spreading
it around? You know for a fact that those tents and all those big
feet are going to trample down every single blade of grass, don’t
you. Don’t bother to answer. I know what you’re going to say.
‘It’ll come back.’”
The basketball hoop on the side of the garage attracted more crowds
than the Olympics. And a small patch of lawn that started out with
a barren spot the size of a garbage can lid soon drew to encompass
the entire side yard.
Just when it looked as if the new seed might take root, the winter
came and the sled runners beat it into ridges. Mike’s father shook
his head and said, “I never asked for much in this life – only a
patch of grass.”
And his wife smiled and said, “It’ll come back.”
The lawn this fall was beautiful. It was green and alive and
rolled out like a sponge carpet along the drive where gym shoes had
trod … along the garage where bicycles used to fall … and
around the flower beds where little boys used to dig with
iced-tea spoons.
But Mike’s father never saw it. He anxiously looked beyond the yard
and asked with a catch in his voice, “he will come back, won’t he?”
Erma Bombeck
The Green, Green Grass of Home
by Erma Bombeck, written November 1971
When Mike was 2, he wanted a sandbox, and his father said:
“There goes the yard We’ll have kids over here day and
night, and they’ll throw sand into the flower beds, and cats
will make a mess in it, and it’ll kill the grass for sure.”
And Mike’s mother said, “It’ll come back.”
When Mike was 5, he wanted a jungle gym set with swings that
would take his breath away and bars to take him to the summit,
and his father said: “Good grief, I’ve seen those things in
back yards, and do you know what they look like? Mud holes in
a pasture. Kids digging their gym shoes in the ground. It’ll kill the
grass.”
And Mike’s mother said, “It’ll come back.”
Between breaths, when Daddy was blowing up the plastic swimming
pool, he warned: “You know what they’re going to do to this
place? They’re going to condemn it and use it for a missile site.
I hope you know what you’re doing. They’ll track water everywhere
and have a million water fights, and you won’t be able to take
out the garbage without stepping in mud up to your neck. When we
take this down, we’ll have the only brown lawn on the block.”
“It’ll come back,” Mike’s mother said.
When Mike was 12, he volunteered his yard for a campout. As they
hoisted the tents and drove in the spikes, his father stood at the
window and observed, “Why don’t I just put the grass seed out in
cereal bowls for the birds and save myself the trouble of spreading
it around? You know for a fact that those tents and all those big
feet are going to trample down every single blade of grass, don’t
you. Don’t bother to answer. I know what you’re going to say.
‘It’ll come back.’”
The basketball hoop on the side of the garage attracted more crowds
than the Olympics. And a small patch of lawn that started out with
a barren spot the size of a garbage can lid soon drew to encompass
the entire side yard.
Just when it looked as if the new seed might take root, the winter
came and the sled runners beat it into ridges. Mike’s father shook
his head and said, “I never asked for much in this life – only a
patch of grass.”
And his wife smiled and said, “It’ll come back.”
The lawn this fall was beautiful. It was green and alive and
rolled out like a sponge carpet along the drive where gym shoes had
trod … along the garage where bicycles used to fall … and
around the flower beds where little boys used to dig with
iced-tea spoons.
But Mike’s father never saw it. He anxiously looked beyond the yard
and asked with a catch in his voice, “he will come back, won’t he?”
We had the privilege of hosting Robert Lewis yesterday at PDS. He spoke to over 250 parents about “what every child needs in a parent.” Here is the link to the audio if you want to listen.
What a family looks like—what a family experiences on a vacation—is largely determined by the father’s attitude and leadership prior to and during the vacation. Some fathers charge into a vacation at a place like Disney World committed to visiting every venue, seeing every show, and experiencing every ride. Every moment and detail has been planned with military precision as the father leads his wife and children on the long-awaited mission. But by noon the first day, the family has spent most of the morning standing in long lines growing more sunburned by the minute. The children are tired, cranky, and hungry. And the father has been passing his time while standing in line reflecting on the serious chunk of his salary he invested in this forgettable experience. And he is not smiling.
Other fathers choose less trendy vacation spots. This is no Disney dad. No way! This father takes his family to the lake or the beach. There are no lines here. Here the days will pass slowly and predictably. And if he’s not careful and purposeful, this father can wrongly assume that location alone guarantees a wonderful and memorable vacation.
It’s possible for this father to view the family vacation as a peaceful and beautiful context where he can primarily rest and relax with little required of him. His wife and children desire his leadership during this time but rarely experience it. And they are not smiling.
Here’s what I’ve learned. The difference between forgettable vacations and unforgettable vacations is not the location or attractions. Nope. The difference between forgettable and unforgettable vacations is the father’s attitude and leadership. This makes all the difference.
C.J. writes 7 lessons in leadership on vacation in his full article:
Tuesday, 20 October 2009 13:13 Written by Winston Baccus
Our quarterly series of seminars continues on Wednesday, November 11th at 11:30 a.m with pastor Robert Lewis, author of Raising a Modern Day Knight.
Robert Lewis is Pastor-at-Large for Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas, where he served as Directional Leader for over 20 years. He also serves on the Board of Directors for the Leadership Network, and is on the Board of Fellowship Associates, a church consulting and leadership training organization.
Graduating from the University of Arkansas in 1971 with a degree in Management, Robert went on to obtain both an M.A. in New Testament Greek and M.Div. degree from Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon in 1977, and the Doctor of Ministry degree from Talbot Theological Seminary in LaMirada, California in 1985.
Robert is passionate about helping men discover the biblical principles of authentic manhood. He founded and developed Men’s Fraternity in 1990, and today this significant area of ministry is reaching men worldwide in churches, on college campuses, in corporate boardrooms, and in prison cellblocks via his three one-year video curriculum published by LifeWay: Quest for Authentic Manhood; Winning at Work and Home; and The Great Adventure. In response to great demand, Robert developed the feminine counterpart to Men’s Fraternity, The New Eve. Robert was awarded Pastor of the Year in 2001 by the National Coalition of Men’s Ministry headed by Patrick Morley.
He has authored a number of publications including Raising a Modern-Day Knight (Focus on the Family), the Raising a Modern-Day Knight Video Training Series with Dennis Rainey (Sonlight Productions), Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage (NavPress), Real Family Values (Multnomah Press) and The Church of Irresistible Influence (Zondervan). Robert’s most recent book is Culture Shift: Transforming Your Church From the Inside Out published by Jossey-Bass. He is also a contributing author to Building Strong Families edited by Dennis Rainey and Faith Factor in Fatherhood edited by Don Eberly. His most recent publications are the Men’s Fraternity Bible, and The New Eve.
Robert has been featured on radio programs such as FamilyLife Today and Focus on the Family, and in a number of magazines including Leadership, Real Man, and Stand Firm.
Married since 1971, Robert and Sherard Lewis reside in Little Rock and have four children.
Bedtime is a rush. Put them in bed so I can get what I need to get done. Papers to grade. Curriculum to write. Programs to create. Ideas to make happen.
Convicted.
They will not be like this for long. There will be a time when they will not be in our house. There will be a time when I don’t get to pray with them. There will be a time when they don’t want me to read a Bible story with them. There will be a time when they don’t want me to rub their back as they fall asleep.
Convicted.
No more rushing to get done. Time to cherish every second I can with them. Time to wait until they are finished praying, talking and fast asleep.
They won’t be like this for long.
Tim Kimmel: “Show love in the brackets of the day.” Wake-up time and bedtime.
From an article by C.J. Mahaney
